lonely soul

Late at night, in the cold dark silence that surrounds me
I find myself, from time to time, pondering my life and everything in it
Sometimes I wonder if I know where I am
Did I trade part of myself for something better that I can't find
Maybe I lost some meaning, some reason, something I needed to be me
Can I change my destiny if I don't know what it is?
A part of me is lost, I think maybe I gave up too much
everything to everyone, perhaps all I had to give
I question myself and wonder if I'm just a lonely soul
all the while a broken doll, a confusion of shame and pride
I wonder where the love is, it felt so strong, so real, so true
I need a guardian of the night to save me from this maelstorm of dark thoughts
Mistakes became regrets, bloody scars litter my soul
I think of those closest to me, the conversions left unsaid, too hard to say
Betrayed by words I never heard, so I go without and hold my smile
Younger now than I was before, a creature with no control
Will all this garbled pain and history be the cause of my undoing
still, I find, I can't let go of everything I hold, despite how empty and cold
A void that could be filled without so much longing and indifference
Close my eyes, embrase the darkness, tomorrow I will wake
Another day to change my fate, another chance to see it coming
I will never say never, when I don't know when
I'll do my best with my best look and pray that I will make it
That somewhere down the road, I'll find that part I am missing
A lost and lonely soul, I'll be no more, when I find what I have needed