I'm in love with this band

stars

So I finally heard back from the soldier I was worried about earlier. Thank Gosh.

Now I'm laying outside under the stars, listening to the Goo-Goo Dolls, a very mellow playlist for such a mellow evening with a glass of wine to relax and unwind. It's been a pretty decent day. I dyed my hair bright red just for the last summer of my civilian life until I get out of the Military, then I will probably do something like it again. But that's four years or so. A long time to go.

I was thinking about this city, I do like Vancouver, but I'm homesick. I really find this place epicly beautiful and am grateful for the memories I have. I don't want to lose those and I won't. Plenty of pictures, tons of evidence of how beautiful. I had fun here, for a while. Then it got to be depressing. I mean, where is summer this year? It seems to have missed the memo that it started already. Not that I mind so much, when I consider what I'm doing right now. Enjoying the crisp night air, laying on a blanket, writing this blog while staring up at the sky. The stars are breathtaking tonight. I wish I didn't have so many reasons to leave, but there aren't enough reasons to stay to even balance the equation. It's time for me to go home.

As I mentioned I dyed my hair "Little Mermaid" red, which I think looks awesome. I have felt like I needed something totally different than how I was before. And now I have it.

Anyways, I want to listen to these tunes and stare at the sky...

Love, Leah

Red

Now this is Little Mermaid Red :)

I love it.

And so do my friends <3

Hope and Fear

So I'm waiting for a call from Iraq to send out a carepackage. It's been about 4 hours since I heard from him when he said he'd call in 20 minutes. He's a cav scout and I'm nervous. I am hopeful of course, because it is midnight over there and maybe he had to go on guard or something happened that's explainable, like a powerfailure or a briefing or something that doesn't mean danger. I am hopeful. Of course, on the flipside, in order to have hope you have to have a fear. In omnia paratus: In all things prepare. So I'm sit, pacing, everytime my phone goes off, I check. No, just a text, No, just a call I won't answer. No just something that isn't nearly as important as this. I worry, I hope, I pray to God to watch over him and send him strength and to offer him compassion and kindness. I hold strength and I hold my knowledge of the War, all the fears and the results of it I have seen, I try to find humor in everything. I sit and I pray and I wait. Nothing besides that I can do from where I am other than hope, with all my heart, I hear from him soon.

I have alot of confusion going on inside my head. It's hard to say that anything truly makes sense when the only thing I know for certain is that I am leaving Canada. I have to, otherwise I fear I will be condemned to the gates of Hell for the rest of my life if I stay. I need a better life, one that isn't offered to me here. I need freedom from this hypocritical place that boasts of it's freedom and informed people, when really, the freedoms are just a different sort and the "informed" are just ignorant in their own way, clinging to their beliefs like an extreme christian or muslim or whatever extremes there are. They try to brainwash you into thinking that America is the home of the wrong and the real act of terror is the way America is. In reality, the world pushed and continues to push America into being who we have been. They say that the real way to find out how great a country is: watch how many people are trying to get in as compared to how many are trying to escape. Guarenteed America is among the greatest when that estimation is made.

Anyways, that was merely something to distract myself from my real worries. July 4th is always the day of more violence, mortars, bombings, combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. Any American Holiday is. Our enemies like to use our days of peace or celebration against us. They want to punish us for what we are doing, but what they don't see is how foolish it all is. If there could be a compromise, if the west would admit it's been imposing on the east and the east would admit that their ways are just a little screwed up, then maybe we could find peace. But that will not happen. Not any time soon, because people are stubborn in their convictions and compromising means being wrong.

Admit it, in a personal arguement, you'd rather fight til the last stand than ever admit you might be wrong, even a little. I am a natural peacemaker, I strive for compromise, and when that fails, well, I fight with all I have to get my way because if my enemy won't bend a little, I'll make him/her break. The same goes for war. The cost of arrogance is blood, the price is a cost that we all pay at one point or another. The question to ask yourself is: do you believe that your convictions are worth your blood? In my mind, mine absolutely are. I would lay down my life for what I believe and a coward, though may fight and stand up for a while, will back down and run. I will only run if my convictions begin to change, but they have remained strong through it all. And so, they shall.

Somethings can never be broken from a man or woman who was raised with military values. The love of her Country and her Soldiers, is just a mere example of that strength of spirit. I will not back down, but most importantly, because I have certain people on my side, I know that when my strength begins to weaken, I have others to turn to, I have my brothers and sisters. Including the one I am worried for now. I hope for him, I send prayers to him. God, grant me the courage to not fear.

Love Leah

Sweet Poetic Justice.

Don't fuck with the Military, our government will make sure your government comes down on you. :)

It's called a NATO treaty, bitch. Look up the laws, putting information about a Specops person on your blog is AGAINST the law.

The RCMP now have your name, know what you did to him, know what you both have done to me and based on that, all I will ever have to do is drop two names, a unit and the RCMP have to do what they have agreed to do.

I've got my friends....

"I've got my friends, Sir, I'm perfectly content to have you as my enemy" ~ The Unit

I woke up on this 4th of July pretty late, but luckily the kids were playing quietly and laughing together. I love how they are best friends, they will always have each other, just as I will always have my big brother, no matter the distance between us.

I got a call from Iraq last night, something I always value, from one of my Soldiers, a Cav Scout. We talked about almost everything, including our mutual displeasure for idiots and people that screw us over. He is a good guy, a true soldier, and one that I am extremely proud to call my friend. I am always grateful when I get a call, no matter what time, no matter if I am woken by the call or not. It makes me feel sort of special that they would think to call me, of all people. Friends mean more to me than any of my exes ever did. Especially when they serve so proudly and wear that uniform, not just out of duty, but because they appreicate it.

Only 2 defining forces have ever agreed to die for you. 1 is Jesus Christ the second is the American Soldier.... one died for your soul, the others will die for your freedom...

It is Independence Day, another one far from home, no fireworks, no red-white-and-blue flying high in the sky. I am grateful that it is my last one in this country, not that I am ashamed of Canada, simply that I am tired of being here. There's a whole cultural difference between American Military and Canadian Civilian. I am exhausted with attempting to be someone I am not. It's time to make my way back home, into the world I knew. I am anxious to get everything completed. I am anxious to be back around my own kind.

I keep hoping the sun will shine today, so the kids and I can go for a picnic but it seems that may be something that I'll have to miss. It's a shame but not something I can control. Oh well, we have already had a bunch of fun this morning and in a bit, we will be painting. :) Fun!

Anyways, I have to go, I'm busy and just wanted to gush about my call... and about my last Independence Day in Canada for a long, long, long time, if not ever. (I'm hopin ever)

Thank a soldier/marine/airman/sailor for all they do for you.

Love, Leah...

Independence Day

I'm in love with the show The Unit. It's a show specifically based on the special-forces in the Army. I watch it and feel that it is one of the best Military shows on Television. It has alot of realism to it as well as a few characters that I personally relate to and well, one that I can't help but drool after.

Mac Gerhardt MSGT

"The effective range of an excuse is zero meters, do it again"

Mac is droolworthy. Played by Max Martini, a tri-citizen of Italy-Canada-USA, he is among the best actors of this lifetime. Mac is an amazing soldier and a trained sniper. I watch all the shows and have even started having dreams where he is there. It's pretty strange, considering I recognize he is fictional, but I don't care. If I have that man protecting me in my dreams, I'll take it.

Other things are more than confusing and slightly overwhelming and too much time in my head makes me want to scream, however, I'm just focusing on the Unit right now.

It's Independence Day, the 4th of July, the day the declaration was signed, declaring our independence from the Tyrany of the British Crown. Thomas Jefferson wrote it 234 years ago, it was signed by over 60 other men who believed in the same universal goal of freedom.


Today, we are fighting two wars, my friends and family have served in damn near every single one... I'm proud of my men and women fighting and will always be proud.

Thank a soldier, airman, marine or sailor for all they do for you.

Love, Leah

HAHAHA

Haha, I love to read my ex's bitch's blog and laugh. She is under the mistaken impression that all my brother has is public school education. Umm, sorry bitch, he was raised Military, just like me. And that means our education is outstanding by comparison. Not only that but he is specially trained in special ops tactics. Silly girl. haha...

Anyways, so everything is taken care of. There is no way, short of my ex paying me back... oh roughly the total is about 750 and increasing, Michias is mine to keep. I have been training him with his kennel so the trip doesn't scare him too much. He's getting used to it and everytime he gets out, he gets a bunch of treats and tons of love. We play outside with the kids and he runs back and forth between me and them, giving me kisses and the kids laugh in their high pitched squeals.

I'm excited about everything. I have my Captain coming to visit me soon. No matter what two people and their enlistment of a 17 year old girl try to do, no one can make me scared in the slightest. I am happy with things. Chias will be safe and so will my kids. I'm not afraid. And I don't consider the enlistment of a 17 year old to be in good taste. Very low and very pathetic. At least the people on my side are grown men and capable of making their own decisions. Not a child who is known for her bad choices and her messed up family life. Shit, that irritates me, not only because she is a child, but because a grown ass man and woman need to recruit her for their cause. Pathetic.

Anyways, life is calling, plenty to do.

Love, Leah

stress relief

After a scare, I feel relaxed. Thank God Almighty. I prayed and He came through for me. Strange how so often before I blamed Him for my problems and now He is watching out for me and answering my prayers. I was relieved when I realized that my fears were solved and everything is coming together, despite last night's drama. HOOAH!

I had the immense happiness to hear that I will definately get my MOS and my duty station and have every chance of getting the exact job I want in the military thanks to my connections to certain servicemen. I really am relieved by everything that has come together. I will NOT stand alone from now on. I have my brothers (and sisters) that will always look out for me. I am not afraid of anything. I have the best big brothers that have given me alot more courage. I can't say much about what they do or anything else, due to OPSEC reasons, but I know I would NEVER want to be against these men, especially a great brother that I have been honored with.

I am looking forward to getting my life back, the family support that the Military offers. Ignoramuses say that it is a mistake, that the people I love are fools and "brainwashed." But we are by no means any of that, we realize the politics can be fucked up, that isn't why they and why I will, do what we do. We do it because it is our duty, most of us are military children, who realize the honor and integrity of our Fathers (and some mothers) teachings are the most valuable of all. If you don't grow up with that, maybe you'll never understand.

Anyways, relief floods my body, my brother has given my mind ease, my guy has given my heart peace in the knowledge that I won't have to supress myself any further for him, in fact, he encourages my freedom to be this tough and "badass" army chick. My mother has offered her full support and will not turn her back on me, she has been incredible during all of this, something I did not expect but I am highly grateful for.

Dear God,
Thank you for your kindness. I am grateful for your guidance and answered prayers. Grant me the courage to face any fears I must. You are all loving and all forgiving. I am grateful to be your child again.
Amen

Love, Leah

Canada Day

It's canada day. As a dualee, I've been watching the Toronto G-20...

I'm not impressed, I'm not happy.

Blame Canada

With all their beady little eyes

And flapping heads so full of lies

Blame Canada

Blame Canada

We need to form a full assault

It's Canada's fault!

Blame Canada

Shame on Canada

For...

The smut we must stop

The trash we must bash

Happy (Or Maybe not considering Toronto's current debacle) Canada Day

United under a common bond

I love my family, who are really amazing people. My mother for stepping up and realizing she needed to change, my brothers, most specifically, my brothers in uniform, are willing to stand not only next to me, but in front of me to try to take the fire from me. I love my sister, for showing me absolute support. I love that these people know me best and look at the comments from an ex and his ............ as crude ignorant and arrogant responses from bitter people who wish to inflict grief. What makes me happiest is the knowledge that they have no power over me to make me feel insulted in the least. Neither of them really know me at all. My ex may think he does but I swallowed so much of myself in a screwed up effort to please him which caused nothing but grief. The moment I allowed myself to be me again, I became the girl that I used to be. Strong, smart, proud.

I recently realized that I made the biggest mistake in the world by coming to Canada and while I leave this country with three amazing lives with me, my beautiful son and daughter and my gorgeous and loving dog, I feel that I could not have been a bigger fool than the day I chose to move here. I am just grateful that I have woken up from the ignorance and I'll be damned if I ever let another man make me feel the way the Canadian Men in my life have. As far as I can tell, we do not share much in common, there is no unity, there is no common bond. My life and my values are those of the Military. I don't care how "foolish" or "stupid" someone may think I am, there is no greater bond than that of the Military community. We are there for eachother, through thick and thin, through the bad times and good. Breaking your word could kill your battle-buddy and we are taught never to do so.

I have the lovely honor of knowing so many brave and REAL men, men that would give their all for my wellbeing and my children's without expecting anything in return. I know that the uniform binds us all together in one common goal. There is nothing that I should fear when I have them beside me. I will never stand alone.

Then there's Captain, a man who wants to prove himself to me by his actions, his words and his values. He and I both share the same common goals and values and morals. He has proven himself time and time again to me as I have to him. There's nothing anyone else could say that would ever make him nor I doubt each other. Good luck trying, is all I have to say to those that would. It looks worse on you.

Now I live lean and I mean to inflict the grief and the least of me is still out of your reach.

Now, I may be foolish, I am not any of the things my ex has claimed me to be. It amuses me to think he feels he can hurt me with words at this point. He ruined that when he chose to break my children's hearts because there is no worse pain for me than knowing my children suffered because of him. I am a good mother, I don't do drugs, I spend all of my time with them knowing that we are all we have and that they deserve to be loved. I was miserable with my ex and sadly that was shown in my own behaviors, something I do regret. Now, however, I am stronger, braver and more secure about who I am, something I was never with him. He had me convinced he was a real man, which he was not. A big dick and mouth doesn't make you a man, it makes you a grown-up child. Any guy can fuck and talk, it takes a real man to do what my brothers do, to do what I'm going to do. I have bigger cajones than he ever will. And thank GOD for that. God showed me alot over the past five months or so... Most importantly the lies I told myself about my ex were revealed as was the truth I was meant to rediscover.

Feel no fear, know my pride: For GOD and COUNTRY, I'll end your life! HOOAH!

Now I avoided saying anything truly mean or hurtful, not because I don't have plenty to say, simply because I know that my words mean more than theirs do. I will not lower myself to their levels. I don't care what they want to say about me, it holds no ground. As my friends were willing to do before, as my Brother did last night, all of these people who love me so much, know me from the pit of my despair to the top of my game. There is nothing in the world that could ever change how they feel. "Blind" love is not their call sign.

It's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.