Happy Father's Day Daddy....

Needless to say, I hate today. I'm crying, I haven't been able to stop since I woke up. It's like all this missing him has just killed my heart. I miss my Daddy so much. It's the first Father's Day without him and my heart is aching to such an incredible amount. I wish with all my heart he was here to hold me, to tell me he loves me, to tell me everything's going to be ok... My eyes are bloodshot, my face is wet, Chias has his head on my lap, his confusion clear but his loyalty and love absolute as well. He looks at me with his one eye as if to tell me, he's not going anywhere. I keep leaning into him, my tears soaking into his soft, warm fur and I know that without him, I'd be absolutely lost without him, absolutely alone. Because even though I have my beautiful babies, he's my only comfort, he loves me and right now, I need that more than anything because I can't do anything else but fall into him.

I have my Daddy's cross, his dogtags, his teddy-bear, I'm staring at the only picture I have of us. wishing with all my heart I could call him to hear his voice... My pain is still so impossibly strong....